People Magazine… 6/30

Rosebud is hooked on them. She has friends and a daughter who save their copies for her. Why? To me it’s a complete waste. Maybe it wouldn’t be if we had an outhouse outback and People could take the place of the old Sears catalog. Second how much more can a person handle about Julia, Jessica, Britney, Brad, Jack and all the lala land (Hollywood) people?

Come on now! In the magazine’s first years they actually had articles covering real people along with the lala folks. I guess New York people want to hear about L.A. people and the opposite.
There are over 270,000 million people living in the US and the vast majority of them live off the two coast lines, shall we say in the heartland. Their stories are just as interesting as who ran off with who, more so! But the people at People who have to go to work doing some digging to travel “inland”. Instead it’s the easy way out staffing two offices N.Y. & L.A. and rewriting news releases from studios and agencies.

So let’s come out with a new magazine… REAL FOLKS. I am open for suggestions as to some people that we could cover… Like what’s O.J. up to now? The top 10 ugliest folks in the USA I mean this thing could be big, big as MAD Magazine.

"A Walk in the Wood"… 6/28

It’s a book by Bill Byerson, a Des Moines native, so he can’t be half -bad. His book was a a gift from my son in law and I felt myself drawn to do something like it on a smaller scale, very smaller. However, don’t be miss led. Byerson’s walking the Applicaian Trail with an out of shape friend isn’t the best thing to do unless your have been in the fitness center for five months straight.

For people like you and me who haven’t a clue, day dreaming about a high adventure in the great outdoors is about as close as you want to get to wood tricks and their friends. Here is my ideal of a walk in the woods, it’ on water…
This p.m. after working 8 hours in our local resale shop (helping those that can’t, can) we came home for a fast dinner, burned burgers. After a brief evening storm we went canoeing on the lake. Katie our Springer was our guide. Rosebud was in the front and did the paddling and I sat back guiding the craft over t rock bars and a stump to where our loon family was having a late dinner, lake perch.

The sun was setting , it was a grand site watching the adult loons feed their chicks.. Yesterday, we had bid a dear friend goodbye who was in here visiting from California…as we said farewell, she told us how lucky we were living where we were.

This isn’t Bill Byerson’s trail in the woods. It’s something better. So for all those who work their buns off in Des Monies, Omaha, Joliet, Fairfield and the bigger cities just to spend a two week vacation with us in our woods, thank you for not moving here or other wise we’d be another northern Chicago suburb. But with our new to Super Wal-Mart in the offing maybe we will be, progress sucks.

Warren …. What were you thing?
So Bill Gates gets a check in the mail for $54 billion! That leaves poor Warren Buffet with only $12 billion to get by on in his old age living in Omaha. The whole state of Nebraska is worth $12 billion. This deal is like John D. writing a check to JP Morgan then under table Morgan turning over his banks to Rockefeller. Then both gents writing off their entire estates as a charitable deduction. The road to hell is pave with poor suckers like our selfs.

Many say his SMALL gift is going to worth while causes… Come on now, that only leaves $12 billion for poor Warren to live on? I’d live in Omaha for just half the $12 billion. You could but New Zealand, Ecuador throw in the Ivory Coast and Cuba and still have change for a fleets of busses, make that Lear Jets.

When Enron moved from Omaha and headed south to Houston something else happened in that heartland town, a little insurance company with a talking lizard took over half the world. The Walton family had their hands on the other half and I don’t mean John Boy’s folks.

In short two good friends got together and exchanged wallets. That’s their side of the fence. On mine side of the fence some days I have to dig in my change jar just to have enough for a cup of coffee. As for boat gas, I am doing a lot of rowing…

Two of a kind…beats a Straight?
My direct TV dish is now once again up and running. I was doing a little yard work and somehow a tree branch hit the thing and got it out of whack. Installing the direct TV dish a few years ago was "fun and games". It only took me three months to get the thing dialed in with the thing way out in space. I was trying to match this angle and that then run inside to see if there was a signal.
The instructions stated that it’s a simple hour job and any child can do the task. Well the majority of adults are not children and I happen to fall into a minority, a slightly forgetful adult. So after wacking the dish we lost communications with the outside world, no TV! It’s hard to be unplugged, you come away with many questions once you reconnected.

Is there world peace?
Did the stock market crash?
And most important who won the World Series of Poker?

That’s right, even here in the back woods many folks are glued to the TV watching the new crazze’ Texas Hold ‘em’. The only thing better is fall weekends with smash mouth football. Fall is like slicing a tee shot into the woods due to Brett for throwing another pass to a wrong color jersey. But in Poker on TV, you can get all over a guy whose bluffing with two –2’s which in the long run is the same as throwing a pass to the wrong color jersey.

With us back on the dish our TV watching has very much improved. The only thing I have to do now is to ask Rosebud to watch Desparate Housewifes on the set up stairs that has rabbit ears so I can dial in poker on our set connected to the dish TV and watch …
"and I raise you five hundred thousand."

Road Trip #8
This one was a very short one, just up the road. We were called for grand parent duty, an over night’er in Ashland. The drive up this time was much more pleasant than the last November’s trip in an early season white out. Young Miss Claire, 7 weeks and counting, needed TLC while her parents went to a friend’s wedding.

From our last visit to see Miss Claire several weeks ago, she has grown an extra foot, not literally. It least that was my perception of her and speaking of seeing things… it’s amazing how one person can see a thing or event and another person standing (or sitting) along side sees absolutely zip, or a zebra when it was a hippo. Case in point…

We left Ashland early the next AM heading east on US 2 which is heavily wooded and offers some really neat views of Lake Superior. There wasn’t much traffic heaing east. Rosebud and I were quietly thinking about the perfect day we had just spent… bingo, when up head a large black bear was lumbering across the highway. And I don’t mean cutting wood.

It was big and could have left a lasting impression on the front of our car… I told Rosebud in a rather very loud voice "LOOK!!!!!!" And once again she missed the whole show. I guess my training as a Professional Driver has raised my attention span and view range well above the average mortal human being. Of course there are other minor flaws that I carry however, time and space are limited. Again the Mrs. missed the show but catches the little stuff like beer on my breath?

Demo Clubs….
So I went into the Pro shop and asked if I could hit several of the new big mega-drivers. Our Golf Pro carries five brands. So out to the practice range I went with a huge bucket of balls and five drivers. The thought in mind was to find the right straw in the pile of pins. There has to be a club out there that will straighten out a monster slice that I’ve refined over the last 30 years.
I even took along a note pad and pencil.

This was to be a scientific logical test and I wanted to hit five balls per club and record each swing and where the ball went. The pro even gave me a tip on how to hit a straight one. He told me to try to use the same type of swing on each shot.

So I hit five balls with each club and made notes on each hit. Then I repeated the process. One of the clubs was even designed to overcome a slice problem (for balls headed due right). I didn’t even look at the brand before hitting, only afterward. There were different lofts and different flexes in the club shafts.

I was actually sweating after the 4th series of hits. I then returned the clubs went into the Pro Shop Demo bag and ordered a beer to review my note…….
Conclusion: it’s not the golf club but the golfer that’s the problem. As in life you can look good on the practice range but where it counts fall apart.
So as I play my next game, I still must remember to yell "FOUR" after each drive for I always practice safe club and use a club cover.

Read the book…
I was finally was dragged to the DaVinci Code. What can you say that hasn’t already been in the papers or run through the sawmill? Two things Tom Hanks didn't look anything like Leonardo and second it’s been two thousand years since some event in a backwater town occurred that is still ringing bells today and caused a few hundred wars.

It’s also been 1600 years since a group of old men sat around and decided to come up with a book called the New Testament telling us what we should think about that long ago event. Then it was back another 4500 years when things started shaking and baking in the Old Testament.
Where am I headed with this?

What if they ALL got it wrong? In Brown’s book, (not related to Tom) the grail is a female, Mary M. Deal or no deal? Bite or no bite? So let’s take this a step further. The old folks in Israel kept shooting themselves in the foot when they got things wrong. This occurred once or twice every chapter, then God, he, would send them into bondage, flood them out and then hit them sending hale and brimstone.

There I did it! I used the male name for God and that’s my point. Go further back to man’s real beginnings, the cave days, and in all probability they got it right. To them the creator was a female gender. She was mother earth, creator of all, a softer gentler persona. However, don’t tell that to the people blown out to sea in a tidal wave, nailed by Katerina or those rocked by earthquakes. She (Mother God) can be a real SOB.

So here’s my "Code"….. He or She is neither, just a big thing that pulling strings
And do you know what? I don’t care!
Our bus ride is a very short one and there is sunshine out side! Just enjoy the day, have a nice ride for we will all know the truth before we know it.
Tomorrow? The lighter side, more tales from the fairway.

What are you selling? 6/13

Even the best of us have something that we are trying to peddle and I don’t mean a bike. Many people do it for a living, selling vacuums, autos, insurance, food or even wellness. My mother use to sell World Book door to door and I sold ideas. Want to buy one?
At present I work part time at a golf course selling the idea that you are having a great time losing golf balls and acting if you are not frustrated in doing so.
Some people make a living selling pie in the sky and this takes many forms, be it land, limited partnerships, oil drilling programs or shares in thoroughbred racing horses. Here’s a question… how do you tell your accountant and or the IRS that you own the rear end of a horse and that you’d like to depreciate it?
But the most amazing thing is that for every sham there is usually a line of buyers in line to make an offer and "lose" a fast buck.

There are dozens of off the wall deals most shady at best but every once in a while someone comes up with a truly honorable one like turning corn into gasoline. Then there was a MAN that made water into wine. He and his followers had good intentions selling their line of thought that others side-tracked many a time over the years. But through the test of time one good thought and one good deed can make many a light shine.
So what are you selling today? Let’s hope it’s a smile!

Up early in the AM again...
What’s happened to my internal alarm clock. It’s on the fritz again. 4:30 am and the thing goes off and I am ready for another rip roaring day filled with a half dozen mishaps.
For the life of me I can’t sleep past 5:30.
And it just not this year.

Each spring hits and that old alarm inside keeps firing away earlier each day as the mount of daylight increases. I think inside my head a small part is telling me not to waste time and like a squirrel let’s go on a nut hunt, you know bust your buns in the summer – sleep all winter.
Trouble is that by mid afternoon the tank runs out of gas and I have to slap myself silly to stay awake. Yesterday while I was working behind the counter in the Pro Shop at our golf course,the fog came in and I started to nod -off, even though I was checking some one in. It’s not very nice to snore in front of customers especially when they are the owner’s family.

Maybe if I stayed out later at night I’d sleep later in the morning? Ya that’s it… I’ll try this one out on Rosebud (the Mrs.) maybe she’ll bite on this one that is if I throw in a "It’s about my health deal…"